Autotelic experiencing is not another state to achieve; it exposes the seeker’s habit of making the present pay for the future. Awakening then goes one step further—even that habit doesn’t need to disappear before life is THIS.
Story: The Walk That Wasn’t Going Anywhere
Verse 1
I walked beside the river
to improve the heart and brain
ten thousand steps for fitness
and some silence for the strain
then every bird became a pointer
every footstep had a task
every pelican was drafted
to investigate the mask
Was there walking without walker?
was the seeing free of me?
was I closer than on Tuesday?
was this how it ought to be?
I turned an afternoon of sunlight
to a spiritual exam
and missed the bird completely
while discovering who I am
Chorus
There’s nothing to get from the river
nothing the sunlight must prove
the water is not flowing
so that I can learn to move
the walk need not awaken me
the song need not set me free
for one small ordinary moment
this can simply be
Nothing to get from the river
nothing waiting downstream
life does not owe the seeker
completion of the dream
Verse 2
I meditated for the future
I investigated pain
I welcomed every feeling
so the feelings wouldn’t stay
I surrendered to get peaceful
I stopped trying as a plan
I turned even “doing nothing”
to another thing to understand
Then laughter broke the project
for thirty seconds flat
no one measured any progress
no one wondered where they’re at
until a thought came running:
There! That’s what you need to do!
and the seeker took the laughter
and made homework out of it too
Chorus
There’s nothing to get from the river
nothing the sunlight must prove
the water is not flowing
so that I can learn to move
the walk need not awaken me
the song need not set me free
for one small ordinary moment
this can simply be
Nothing to get from the river
nothing waiting downstream
life does not owe the seeker
completion of the dream
Verse 3
They told me of the flow state
where the player disappears
music plays without a player
and the clock forgets the years
I thought, “That’s surely where it’s hiding.
That’s the state I need to keep.”
then I built another ladder
to a place I couldn’t reach
But flow goes like the weather
silence opens, silence ends
thought returns with commentary
and the ordinary mends
if freedom needs the perfect state
then freedom isn’t free
so let the thinker join the music
thought belongs to melody
Bridge
The seeker says:
Do this
to get that.
Be present
to arrive.
Feel this
so it disappears.
Wake up
so you can live.
And somewhere in the bargain
the afternoon is sold
for a promised future moment
where the final prize is held
But what if life is not a road
whose value waits ahead?
what if even wanting later
is this living now instead?
No command to stop the seeking
no requirement to stay
even leaning towards tomorrow
is what life is doing today
Verse 4
There was anger on a Tuesday
and an aching lower back
I said, “Accept it for its own sake,”
and tightened at the task
I tried to be autotelic
with tremendous discipline
and made another perfect self
that I could fail to fit within
Then an old dog lay beside me
and I touched his sleeping head
I remembered I had snapped at him
and simply said what needed said:
“Sorry, mate.”
No great surrender
no enlightenment to gain
just a hand upon warm breathing
and a little passing pain
Chorus
There’s nothing to get from the river
nothing the sunlight must prove
the water is not flowing
so that I can learn to move
the walk need not awaken me
the song need not set me free
for one small ordinary moment
this can simply be
Nothing to get from the river
nothing waiting downstream
life does not owe the seeker
completion of the dream
Verse 5
Sometimes walking is for fitness
sometimes walking gets me home
sometimes walking is for pleasure
sometimes thought will walk alone
sometimes every step is burden
sometimes feet are light and strong
nothing has to fit the teaching
nothing has to last for long
Purpose has its useful places
catch the train and pay the bill
plant the seed to grow tomatoes
take the medicine when ill
but beneath the useful purpose
there’s no final place to be
where this life becomes more worthy
than the life already seen
Final Chorus
There’s nothing to get from the river
and nothing I have to give
no final state called presence
where I finally learn to live
the thought can come
the thought can go
the seeker can appear
and none of it stands outside life
or makes this less than here
Nothing to get from the river
no awakened shore to see
perhaps the river never carried
anyone from here to free
Outro
Walking for walking.
Playing for play.
Laughing because laughter
happened today.
Seeking for nothing.
Thinking comes through.
Not every moment
must pay what is due.
No means.
No end.
No final decree.
Just this—
and even the wish
for something else
is already
part of
what this can be.
