What is awakening?

A story about before & after..

They said awakening would be the end of suffering. The stories whispered of bliss, of clarity, of peace unshakable. I believed them.

At first, awakening was a goal. A fix. The final chapter in the book of problems.

I made lists. I sought teachings. I imagined that if I worked hard enough that one day, I would cross some invisible line and everything would fall into place.

That I would no longer feel the jagged edge of doubt, the sting of rejection, the hunger to be loved.

I imagined a version of myself who was immune to conflict, who never snapped, who didn’t feel awkward in groups. I saw this self with luminous skin and unwavering calm. There were no more money troubles. No more confusion. Only perfect, wordless knowing.

I thought it would be permanent. That I’d never fall back into the fog. That my senses would always be heightened. That I’d always feel one with everything. I believed I’d finally stop my thoughts, and my life would become effortlessly abundant—love, money, health, all flowing without friction.

But when something finally shifted, it didn’t look like that.

Nothing exploded. No one applauded.

What happened was simple: i saw that my thoughts weren’t facts.

That my identity was a patchwork of old echoes.

That the world i’d been fighting was never the problem—it was my war with what arose that created what i labeled as a problem.

The shift didn’t end suffering. It changed my relationship to it.

Some old triggers still trigger. Physical pain still comes. But now i don’t fall as deep. The hooks don’t hold as long. There’s space, and sometimes, that space is enough. Often that space is an opening.

Anger still arises—sometimes as a sharp jolt, a fire that races through the chest and clenches the fists. It can be intense.

But it rarely lasts more than a few seconds now. It burns brightly, then fades. It doesn’t spiral into a story, a justification, or a plan. It just rises and falls. And sometimes, it doesn’t arise at all.

i saw that Iid been creating a self in reaction to pain—a self who was outraged, offended, hurt. That self felt real. But it was born of resistance. A flare of identity wrapped around a belief.

Now i watch. i feel. i stay curious. Shame visits, but doesn’t linger. And in rare moments, there’s awe—like the world is breathing me.

i’ve seen how awakening isn’t a point in time. It’s a pattern of dissolving and reforming, again and again. Moments of clarity followed by confusion. But the difference is i don’t make confusion a problem.

There are magical glimpses—sunlight on stone, a quiet joy in doing dishes, a breath that feels like home. But they pass. And that’s okay.

i don’t expect awakening to rescue me anymore. i let it walk beside me, quietly. i meet life as it comes, without needing it to change.

And that…

That feels like awakening.

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For more pointers and suggestions, check out this link to vince-bot using the website as its knowledge base.

Vince Schubert YouTube Channel

Free online meetups every Saturday at 9 pm (Sydney Australia time)
and one each Monday 7 am ( Sydney Australia time)
and each Wednesday at 4 pm (Sydney Australia time)
and every Friday 7 am (Sydney time) - never published.

You can check your local time here:

Or visit the website for countdown timers to each meeting.

Please note that it's always the same time on the same link. Arriving late and leaving early is fine.

Click here to Join Zoom Meeting https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86991485768?pwd=WkIvNk9zS1Q0VlVMR3lENW12Um5DQT09

Here is a link to all of the published recordings.

Audio files can be found here:

There is also paid 1on1 (& also 2 on 1) guiding here: With vince &/or Marius

Although the website still requires a lot of work, there are resources here; WakingUpWithVince.com

..and more here; WakingUpWithMarius

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..and remember - lots of little bits make a big bit. ❤️