It hit like a wave. An offhand comment from someone close—harmless on the surface, but it stirred something deep inside. I felt the burn rising in my chest. A tightening behind the eyes. Heat. Shame. A swirl of defensiveness and sadness. And then… the thought appeared.
“There is no self here to feel this.”
The discomfort softened slightly. A breath of space opened up. Relief. A subtle lifting of the weight. But also—if I was honest—a slight deadening. Moving away from the rawness.
This wasn’t the first time I’d used that thought. I’d learned it from books, from teachers, from moments of clarity in meditation. And it’s not untrue. But something about the way I used it here—it didn’t sit right.
Later, in stillness, I revisited the moment. I replayed the shift—from pain to concept. And I saw it: I hadn’t truly seen through the self in that moment. I’d bypassed the pain. Used an idea as a shield. I wasn’t abiding in the truth of no-self. I was escaping the truth of what I was feeling.
Bypassing is subtle. It wears the costume of wisdom. But its touch is cold.
The next time a wave hit—this time a pang of loneliness—I stayed. I didn’t reach for philosophy. I didn’t run. I breathed into the sensation. Named it. Felt it twist. Let it crest. I didn’t deny it. I allowed it to speak.
In that allowing, something shifted—not the pain itself, but my relationship to it. I didn’t have to believe it was mine. I didn’t have to fix it. But I also didn’t have to run from it.
That moment didn’t give me the comfort of a clean spiritual slogan. But it gave me something better: intimacy. Honesty. And a glimpse into the nature of the suffering.
True insight dissolves the roots of suffering. It clears the illusion by seeing it for what it is—not by pushing it away.
So now I’m learning to pause. When pain arises, I ask: am I using this idea to avoid, or to meet? Am I escaping, or integrating?
The answer is often subtle. But the body knows.
And when I stop bypassing and start listening, something real is touched.
And that’s where healing begins.
A description
Bypassing — in a psychological or spiritual context — refers to the tendency to avoid or suppress difficult emotions, thoughts, or experiences by using intellectual, spiritual, or philosophical ideas as a way to escape discomfort rather than face and feel it fully.
In simpler terms:
Bypassing happens when someone says or thinks something like:
“There is no self, so this pain isn’t real.”
“Everything happens for a reason, so I don’t need to feel upset.”
“It’s all just energy. No need to cry.”
Even if these statements are theoretically true in a broader context, when they are used to avoid feeling, rather than to explore or understand experience more deeply, it’s bypassing.
Key qualities of bypassing:
It offers quick relief, but doesn’t resolve the root discomfort.
It is often unconscious — the person genuinely believes they’re “being spiritual” or “rising above.”
It delays integration of painful or unresolved material.
It’s often driven by fear of vulnerability, discomfort, or emotional pain.
What bypassing is not:
It’s not the same as insight after deep processing or direct seeing.
If someone has viscerally seen the illusion of self, and pain dissolves as a result, that’s integration, not bypassing.It’s not wrong or bad — it’s often part of the process. But staying in bypass mode can prevent real transformation.
🧭 Inquiry: Is This Bypassing?
Take a moment to sit quietly. Let the breath settle.
Then, bring to mind a recent moment where discomfort arose — emotional pain, tension, sadness, anger, or anxiety.
1. What was the discomfort?
What emotion or sensation was present?
Can I feel it now, even faintly?
Let yourself linger there.
2. What did I do in response to that discomfort?
Did I say something to myself like “It’s just a story,” or “There’s no self here”?
Did I seek immediate relief by thinking or explaining it away?
If so, what did I hope would happen by doing that?
3. Did I allow the feeling fully?
Did I give it space to be seen, felt, and breathed through?
Or did I try to transcend it, dismiss it, or make it “not me”?
Try this:
“Without any story, label, or explanation — what does this feel like in the body?”
Just stay with the raw sensation, like a curious visitor.
4. What would happen if I didn't try to escape or fix this feeling?
Is it possible this discomfort wants to be met — not solved?
What does it need from me? Attention? Compassion? Nothing?
5. Can I sense if I’m using a spiritual idea (like "no-self" or "oneness") as a shield?
What would it feel like to drop that shield, even for a moment?
Not to stop believing it, but to not use it as a defense.
🕊 Closing reflection:
“Is there something here that’s asking to be felt rather than figured out?”
Let yourself rest in the feeling rather than the idea.
No need to fix or change it.
Just be here.
Experiencing.
Not explaining.
For more pointers and suggestions, check out this link to vince-bot using the website as its knowledge base.
Vince Schubert YouTube Channel
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Mr Magoo...you've done it again!
Fear of Bypassing has been one of my forms of resistance.
So this reminder hit the right note here, Vince...thank you.
Thank you ✨. This is very helpful. 🙏